Cultivating Kindness in the Midst of Self-Sufficiency at BillyCalderwood.com

“Christians are moved by the Spirit to reach out and help others because their own identity is intimately tied to the help they have received at God’s hand.” “…we regard people as kind because they go out of their way, often quietly and without fanfare, to engage in kind actions. Nitty-gritty, concrete, everyday kinds of actions.”
Since, at it most basic level, the fruit of the Spirit of kindness involves the giving and receiving of help, we find the dominant cultural environment hostile to its cultivation due to an overarching emphasis on self-sufficiency. Our society tends to worship the s”elf-made man” and from an early age a subtle prejudice is instilled in us against the giving and receiving of help. We prefer to handle all things “on our own” lest we be perceived as being weak. Kenneson asks: “How do we learn to admit that we need help and, subsequently, to receive that help graciously, when we live in a society that teaches us that all requests for help are signs of weakness and incompetence?” Our gift giving rituals often reveal how uncomfortable we are with the “imbalance” created by kindness. A refusal to receive from one another or to quickly reciprocate (turning a display of kindness into a market exchange) denotes a desire not to by bound or connected to one another in relationship. Additionally, most in our society (including most Christians) define their most deeply held goals in the language of independence and self-sufficiency. Additionally in our culture, anything that threatens our autonomy, the “right” to be self-directed and self-governed, anything that makes us at all beholden to “the other” is resisted vehemently. Kenneson suggests that most American Christians “do not see ourselves as dependent on or responsible for our fellow brothers and sisters.” According to Kenneson, cultivating kindness in this type of environment will require remembering our story (a story based on the matchless grace of God in which we receive what we did not deserve or earn and a story in which we recognize that we are part of a body where our gifts belong to one another) and listening to one another.

4 Responses to “Cultivating Kindness in the Midst of Self-Sufficiency”

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1 George P. Wood Jun 28th, 2007 at 10:12 am

Somehwere in one of our exchanges, you wrote that the Bible commands two imperatives: (1) Kindness toward the poor and (2) work in support of one’s self and one’s family. (You worded the imperatives better.) My question for Kenneson is whether he incorporates (2) into his analysis of kindness. Also, does he take into account the way that our welfare society mitigates against the practice of kindness by turning generosity into a right to be received by the poor from others via the government? If I have read your summary of his chapter on kindness correctly, then Kenneson only gets half of the culture right. It’s not just that our culture values self-sufficiency. It’s also that our society redistributes wealth via governmental coercion. I want to know how that affects the practice of kindness.
2 billy Jun 29th, 2007 at 12:14 am

Interesting question George. I don’t believe Kenneson addresses the condition you mention although it has been documented before that those who believe it is the governments job to take care of the poor are less generous in giving their resources directly. At the same time I don’t believe that what you identify as #2) (a feeling of entitlement to government provided welfare programs) is nearly as pervasive in our culture as the desire not to have to ever depend on anybody. (for example aren’t welfare recipients still widely looked down upon in general?) I don’t think most people want to be on welfare.
3 George P. Wood Jun 29th, 2007 at 9:02 am

Points well taken, Billy. On the other hand, consider two things:

1) The Tax Foundation estimates that 45 million of the 131 million who filed taxes in 2004 paid no income tax after credits and deductions. These people are in the lower and middle classes, and they tend to consume more government services than people in economic classes above them.

2)Many people who pay into Social Security will receive far more than they paid in. That money comes from taxing others.

Now, try to raise taxes, eliminate credits, or reduce deductions for people in the lower and middle classes, and all hell will break loose. Reform Social Security and ditto will happen. While these are not, strictly speaking, welfare programs, they are things to which people increasingly feel entitled. So while you may be correct about welfare per se, I think there’s a greater assumption among many Americans that it’s the government’s job to give them a break and provide for their retirement.

So again, how does entitlement mentality affect the practice of kindness?
4 billy Jul 17th, 2007 at 3:32 pm

Great question. I’m not sure. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on this. As far as SS goes, I agree that many Americans feel that it is the governments job to administrate their retirement. (However, considering that all self employed Americans pay 12.4 percent of their income into SS, of course many expect to be provided for, after all they did their part to provide for the previous generation by paying their taxes. People that expect the system to continue to work are not necessarily functioning with some unreasonable entitlement).

Kenneson actually downplays ecomonics somewhat in his critique of our cultures quest for self sufficiency. It is not just ecomonically that Americans don’t want to be seen as weak or in need of others or dependant upon them.